Marriage is mostly as a result of friendship, love and compatibility. Each others company is of paramount importance in marriage. You share so much in common and have invested a lot in your marriage to let it go down in flames. Marriage help can save all that binds you together and ensure that you remain intact. Monogamy is the way to go for many marriages but as a way to offer failing marriage help, many are opting for open relationships. If as a couple you have realized that your marriage problem is called by monotony, try open relationships. They have a way of turning around failing marriages to ones that work. All the problems are solved and the love is renewed once again. The marriage blossoms and you grow grey together.
Open relationship is an arrangement where couples agree to have sexual partners outside marriage while their marriage still remains intact. Both couples have to be comfortable with such an arrangement. One thing you should maintain to embrace such failing marriage help is honesty. It is the virtue which made you to agree and propose the arrangement so do not hide about the number of sexual encounters you have had at a given period of time. Talk it all and have fun. Openness in such intimate matters allow communication to flow in all other areas in your marriage including finances.
You should be keen to rule out jealousy in open relationships. If you are are the type of people who suffer from chronic jealousy you should stick to monogamy. To go for such failing marriage help avoid insecurity. Open relationships require self confidence, confidence in the your spouse and in your marriage too. It won’t work for you if you tend to think that your spouse might find someone else who she/he might like better than you. If your marriage lacked in the area of sex, you are outsourcing the service to make it complete. I am sure you must be compatible in all other areas and you should trust that what brings you together is unique. It must be greater than sex.
For open relationships to work as a failing marriage help, set some ground rules to work with. You should agree on the venues for sexual encounters with other partners. For instances you can agree to bring your lovers in your house but set aside the bed room as for the two of you only. You can as well agree to keep the house out of bounds for the third parties. Such open talks brings you even closer it is unbelievable. What about coming up with a veto list? This is a list of proposed people to involve in your open relationship. Even the most jealous proof partner will be uncomfortable with his/her partner having sex with some people. Agree on the class, age and other categories of your sexual partners. While at this, agree on the type of contraceptive to use to avoid bringing more problems to your marriage. Birth control is important if lack of kids is not the reason for your failing marriage.
FRANCIS K GITHINJI
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/why-i-think-the-failing-marriage-help-will-come-from-open-relationships-377758.html
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January 28th, 2010 at 3:30 am
need relationship advice from sincere female?
This is a very sincere request for advice from any level headed mature female that can offer insights of what I am doing right, wrong or possibly overlooking in my current relationship? I am warning everyone upfront, this is not an easy fix or it would already be fixed. This is a long read but I am taking the time to commit all my questions and concerns to print to hopefully gain some solid insight and perspective, as well as advice as to the best way to proceed. All races welcome but I would especially like to hear from any black women who might be able to offer first hand experience since I happen to be a white male who is deeply in love with a wonderful black female. I will attempt to make the as short as possible.
Me / I am 36 year old white man who is a small business owner. I was married for seven years previously until spouse decided the social life available at her job which consisted of drugs,alcohol,and bed hopping was more important than our marriage. Fortunately,we were able to avoid bringing children into our situation. I have been divorced now for almost 5 years and have no lingering issues from my divorce that I am aware of.i have had my share of dates since my divorcé, both in and out of my race, but up until six months, nothing serious.
She / is 23.5 years old, in second year of nursing school. Never been married, no children. If I took the time to actually list everything I find special about my lady,it would take me all night.
I believe I am a pretty level headed man. I believe those who know me would say that I am hard working, loyal, committed to those I love and care for. I am easy going and for the most part am easy to please to the extent that I always give more than I ask for or expect.
She, is mature for beyond her years, motivated, determined,sweet,and for sure the love of my life.
Our first 5 months were sent from heaven, and although nothing as changed ,we have encountered some obstacles in the road that must be somehow worked through, the only problem is she is now hit a brick wall and backed up a little. I will attempt to share some things that have slowed down our progress. When I attempt to reason or inquire as to why she feels as she does on some things, she clams up.
After six months I know the following about her. She has never met her real father; her mother crossed the country to avoid the wrath of his abuse. Then, her mother had a second failed marriage; needless to say she did not grow up with a loving male as a father figure.
I am not exactly sure how many serious relationships breakups she has actually experienced, all I do know that she has been hurt deeply at least once,probably more than once. She has never told me the exact details, but she has shared that all previous guys have left her the second she drops her guard and falls for them. I might add that we are in somewhat of a long distance relationship with me being two hours away, but we both feel such is a blessing right now due to our time commitments due to job and school. Actually she is no stranger to long distance relationships and although if things progress changes would be made,but for right now I honestly believe it presents no problem. I might also mention that although there is a difference in age, both of us are comfortable with such. Hopefully I listed enough facts for someone to offer advice/ comments on what I will share below. I also want to share that along with what I believe to be the fear of experiencing yet another failed relationship,she is also right in the middle of her first ever 90 day cycle of THE SHOT method of birth control. My readings on such have all said that mood swings are quite common.
My concerns.
# 1 I am an open book with regards to my whereabouts and plans whenever she might ask. On the other hand, when we are apart and she goes out for an evening whether to baby sit her brothers kids or socially, all she ever tells me is that she has plans. I have never pressed her for answers nor will I because I trust her totally. However, it just seems silly to me that she cant just tell me she is babysitting, going to a girlfriends house, etc.
She has shared with me that some of her previous boyfriends have been very controlling and demanding of her time, along with possibly being so immature that she had little or no freedom. My opinion has been that what I sometimes see as secrecy is nothing more than an attempt to maintain her independence as well as test me to see if I am gonna turn out to be like those who have come in the past? For now, I plan to never say a word,in your opinion is such a good or bad move ?
# 2 I found out a couple of months ago when I asked if she was dating me just for grins are was I correct in thinking that something possibly special was developing between us was a huge error on my part. She flipped out and warned me to never mention marriage or forever to her,I have never brought the subject up again.I also tend to agree with her
January 28th, 2010 at 8:32 am
I don’t have a lot to say except this. Ya’ll have been dating for 6 months, she is 23 and you are 36. There is no problem with the age difference except that is sounds like you are really ready to settle down again because you are 36 and she is not because she is 23, has been through something horrible with a man and you have only been dating 6months. 6 Months to you may feel like a long time when you know your in love, but 6 months to a woman who has been through some things with some men is not long enough! It may take a year, maybe a year and a half. She may never want to have a forever with any man cause of what she has known of her father and the way men have done her in the past.Give her some more time that is what it sounds like what she needs.
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January 28th, 2010 at 8:34 am
I know this seems like a very hard thing to deal with but looking at it from the outside and being a woman myself I can understand things differently then a man would.
As you stated she has had past relationships that did not end well and now she is gun shy. I don’t find that strange at all. When you have been hurt deeply you sometimes put up a wall to protect your heart and your mind and it takes time to build up enough trust in someone else, male or female before you let the wall down.
You need to be patient, if you push now she will shut down to protect herself from being hurt again. Right now it sounds like she is simply keeping her things to herself because she feels that if she tells you everything she will be giving you ammunition to be able to hurt her. You need to let her get to know you better so she sees that your not a jealous or controlling person and that you only want to share with her. Eventually, once her trust builds she will start to let you past that wall.
There is a book I read once that would be helpful to you, although the cause is not the same the effects are and it may lend some insight to you on how to handle someone that has been hurt deeply emotionally.
It’s called "Adult Children of Alcoholics". The children of Alcoholics have many issues of abandonment and the fear of loosing people we care about and tend to put up walls to protect ourselves. That book tells others how to deal with the person and how to gain their trust so they are comfortable enough to take their protective walls down.
Unfortunately in life, we sometimes have to deal with the repercussion of the baggage other people have inflicted on our lives and our partners lives. Only time can help.
Good Luck!
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